Everyone always says how hard parenting is, but I really don't think they put enough emphasis on how hard it really is. It definitely has to be one of the hardest yet most rewarding jobs I have every had. I have no idea how I am going to even attempt to go back to work. If anyone has any ideas on how I can make the same amount of money with benefits included and stay at home with Sawyer I would greatly appreciate it :)
Sawyer is growing like a weed. I believe over the past week she has gone through a growth spurt. She is now eating about 4oz at each feeding. This has been slightly stressful for me. We have had to supplement formula because I wasn't making enough for her just yet. However, I believe we are now on the right track. I do get slightly (very) frustrated because when I pump I really make the only amount she needs, and I would like to make more so that I can store some up for when I go back to work. Not sure if this is going to happen or not though. We shall see.
Breastfeeding is also one of the hardest jobs I have had. I am not going to lie, it hurts and I don't always enjoy it as everyone says you should. I am not sure how I can bond with my sweet baby when she hurts me. Therefore, during the day I try to pump and only nurse at night. This can make things quite complicated when Spencer wants us to go somewhere. Hopefully, soon my body will catch up and I can make a little extra. I am not so sure Daddy completely understands all that is involved with a newborn and breastfeeding. Don't get me wrong he is very supportive, but it is still hard to make him understand everything I am going through.
I know Sawyer is almost four weeks old, but my Type A personality is ready for Little Miss to be on a schedule. I know that will take time, but I am so afraid we won't be on one by the time I return to work. I am also already worrying how in the world I am going to get her ready, fed, and myself ready, and all packed up and ready to leave by 6:30 AM. I am wondering if I should even go to bed!
Then, on top of all that, I would like to try and continue to breastfeed her, so I need to work out things with work. But, then going back to work is stressful enough, and stress reduces your milk supply, so how in the world am I going to make it work? If you have suggestions please feel free to share :)
Spencer thinks it is all a piece of cake, but I am not so sure he understands that my teaching job can be quite stressful at times and I don't always have time during the day to really even go to bathroom, how am I going to pump for her? Yes, he is supportive, but teaching is complicated!
On top of all this, Spencer had a job to do out of town last week so he loaded up and left early that morning so he could get started before it got so hot. I was left to feed, pack, load the car, and Sawyer up by myself. Needless to say this job was completely exhausting, and yet again, I still do not believe Spencer understands, or rather anyone right now (expect other Moms) how tiring and exhausting Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday were. We were completely out of our element. I believe this may have had something to do with making my milk supply low.
With all this venting I have done, I must end on a brighter note. Apparently, I am producing enough for her because she is growing like I weed, I am just not making any extra right now to freeze for later use. When I weighed her the other day she was well over 9lbs. Yay for Baby Sawyer!
3 comments:
I know you're doing a great job Lindsay!!! Don't stress or worry...she's growing like a weed and is absolutely beautiful! You'll figure everything out when it's time to go back to work and you'll be so glad you got to spend so much time with her! We're thinking about yall! Call us if you ever need us!!!
Such an honest post!! I believe every mom has had the same feelings/concerns. I hope other first time moms read your post and know that they are not alone with all the stress that only a mommy can understand. I agree that people do not tell you how life changing becoming a parent is, especially for the mom. I remember when Carden was a baby, I could not wait for 6:30!!! That time used to be "happy hour" for the singles and couples. However, with a newborn, it was "unhappy hour". I wanted Butch to walk in from work at 6:30 and let Carden be his for the rest of the night since I was so tired from my daily mommy duties. Just know you are not alone and that your feelings are very valid!! We are here if you need us, for ANYTHING!!!! Oh, and we will figure out the pump at work thing, I promise. I've been planning.....
I know this is an old post, but it is so true! It's just different for dads and they don't really understand all that moms go through. I'm not sure if you are still breastfeeding, but it was all of a sudden a lot easier when Finley was around 6 months. My plan was to nurse until she turned one, but I'm still doing it and I'm not really sure when I'm going to stop.
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